His Presence Is Grace

“Why herein is a marvelous thing, that ye know not from whence he is, and yet he hath opened my eyes.”

John 9:30

I grew up in a culture where saint veneration, and belief in the supernatural are common occurrences. I grew up Catholic, and the images of saints filled my subconscious because in that culture they are not seen as strange. In fact, speaking about god and other supernatural things is very common. It was also common for me to see statues, religious figures, and candles, around the homes of many people that I knew. All this to say, that belief in the supernatural and in the “other side” are everyday occurrences. Because of all of this, I always knew that there is another side…aside from having a personal encounter with God as a little girl (but this is a story for another time).

I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that there IS a god, I just didn’t know THE GOD. I saw the supernatural things as normal. I have always believed in God, but I didn’t know him. I spent my entire childhood, and most of my adult life, searching for him, in any and every way that I could think of. Some good, some awful.

The new age, when I fount it, seemed to fill a lot of the blank spaces that I remembered about God, from the times that I had encountered him as a little girl. A lot of the teachings can often feel like what we know deep within to be true without being right…there was always something missing – what I now know is Jesus Christ.

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Before I found the new age, while still a little girl in Catholic school, I rejected Jesus Christ. I rejected him, because I could not understand how a loving God, could sacrifice his son, and let him die on a cross. It didn’t make sense to me.

How can a God, who is loving, allow his son to suffer such things? How?! I still remember this thought plaguing me. Because of this, I decided that this religious stuff was nonsense…

…adding to that, that according to Catholic religious practices, the Pope is the only one who can interpret the bible for the congregants: which meant that I did not have a bible, only a list of rules to follow according to someone who I had no ties to…

…and I decided that I would find my own path to God. Here began the search to find what when I was little, would soothe my soul when I was by myself, when it was quiet and dark. This started a 30 year search using tools, books, methods, people, etc…you name it, I probably tried it.

Enter the new age. When I found it I was convinced that I found the thing. The key to finally getting closer to the God, who was with me during some of the hardest times of my life. By the time I found this thing, I was already into divination. I was using tarot cards, I was deeply into astrology, and into mediumship and readings. I was hooked.

I believed that I could somehow believe myself (or “manifest”) into healing: myself, my children, my marriage. The deeper that I went into this, the deeper I went into all of the practices over the years that I believed would help me heal. Things like meditation, crystals, eastern religions and doing a ton of practices – and like anything that is not connected directly into YHWY and Jesus, ALL of it, left me empty after some time in it. Because of this, I was lead into other kinds of what I thought then was “deeper knowledge”.

I started to learn about other religions like, Santeria and Palo. I started to get into universe worship, speaking with people that were into things like the veneration of aliens, mermaids, and satanism other things. I was lead into different schools of magic, the study of elements, of “spiritual realities” that people can’t see. I took in EVERYTHING that I could get my hands on, and my belief system became a hodgepodge of everything that I could put my hands into and onto because I was on a search to find God. I learned from people in different kinds of what is commonly known as “schools of thought.” My search lead me into doing things like, opening my third eye, and awakening the kundalini. When I tell you that I went in. I went IN.

Slowly, I realized that all of this stuff was leaving me feeling the same. Empty. I kept climbing a ladder that had no end. And worse of all, it was starting to affect me and the people around me. I had no peace. I was always on edge. Everything always seemed to be falling apart. The very thing that I was searching for was further away than ever.

…

While I was in these practices and in these beliefs, I believed that because everything came from God (because I still didn’t know him) that nothing was really bad. I believed that because everything came from him, everything was just him teaching me lessons, and that it was all from him. I believed that it was all energy, and that he used everything, as a vehicle back to him…how wrong I was.

These beliefs (which I now know, are evil ideas and thoughts), kept me spinning and going further into darkness for years. I thought that the more that I learned (opened up, became awake, or whatever else it is that people say to convince themselves that it’s all one energy and therefore it’s all OK), the better off my life would become, because I would be aware of what was going on. I thought that I would be able to understand what was happening, and therefore, be able to heal what was going on, so that I could control what was happening. But that never happened. What happened instead, was that by the end of 2020, my life started to crumble and implode.

During this time, everything that I held to be true, started to fall apart. Beliefs. Idea. People. Myself.

And during this time, the Lord in his infinite grace and mercy saved me.

He showed me the truth that what I was doing and believed was not from Him. He showed me how much he loves me, and how he has been trying to bring me back to him my entire life…but I could not see because I was blind. All of the things that I was doing, was taking me away from him, not bringing him closer.

He showed me, that what I was doing, was wicked, and he’s spent the better part of the last 3 years, showing me the destruction that these practices were causing in my life and in my family. How these practices have wreaked havoc in my and our lives…while healing me.

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One thing, as a result of all this has become extremely clear, and that is that no matter what, there is a spiritual battle out there. Many are out there, thinking that there is no difference between good and bad. Or that it all comes from one source, and that it’s all good, because it all came from God. My friend. If you are reading this, and believe this, I can tell you that that is a lie. It’s not all good. It’s not all OK because in the end it’s all from God. No. The truth is that there is good and there is evil. We are in a spiritual battle, and the reality is that if we are not choosing God, by default, we are choosing the other side…another truth is that there is no way to God, except through Jesus. Not the Jesus of the new age, or this hippie new age Jesus, of enlightenment and ascension, but the Jesus of the bible who died for our sins. The one who asks us to repent and come back to him so that we can have a right relationship with God.

The truth is that evil is out there every day, trying to convince us that it doesn’t exist, and that we have a lot of time. But we don’t.

The truth is that there is deception out there running rampant, convincing people that all is well, and that we can skate by life without God. But we can’t. We need the Lord Jesus Christ to cover us, and open our eyes from what’s going on, so that he can save us from what’s happening.

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I to share with you a dream that the Lord gave me a few months ago, which got me out of bed, praying, asking for forgiveness and repenting for my part in the mass deception by participating in the wickedness (albeit naively, but it doesn’t matter because sin is sin), that is mediumship, channeling, and divination.

I will say that I don’t remember the dream in its entirety (because I didn’t record it). The dream started with me being in an apartment building, where I was with others. I was at the top of the building, and at some point, I realized that I had to go downstairs to leave. As I started to make my way down the stairs, I started to look out of the windows of the stairwell, because I kept hearing a lot of noise and commotion at the ground floor of the apartment building. It grew louder as I made my way down and I started to feel scared. As I got to the ground floor, it was dark and cloudy – not weather wise, but in the way that it felt like there was something IN the darkness. It felt thick. Heavy. The air was alive.

The ground floor was like a basement. Stuffy and heavy, even though there were windows above and a door to the outside directly across from the stairs where I was standing. Directly next to the stairs was a young man, no more than 20…from my feeling he was about 19 years old. And this young man was wailing and howling. Deep guttural howling. Not crying but making loud deep sounds, and screaming for people to bring him his vice…which was alcohol. As I saw him, my heart sank into me, because I could feel the depths of his animalistic monstrous need for what he wanted.

I knew in my soul, that there was no coming back for him. His need for this vice, was complete, and he loved it. He didn’t know that it was destroying him, but I knew. I could sense that he was IN the hands of evil…

…the thing about being in the midst of evil, is that you get to know it. You can feel it. I felt it.

He was completely and utterly surrendered to it. He didn’t want an escape. He didn’t want to get rid of it, he wanted more. His entire soul was completely taken over by it. It’s what the bible calls “son of perdition”. He was lost, and gone, and there was no coming back. His soul was so destroyed by his lust, for this addiction that there was no coming back. He would do anything for it. I felt it. I could feel the darkness around him, pushing him for more, and him giving into all of it. And the more he howled and gave in, the deeper he got, further away from life. I also understood, that he thought that it was a good thing…

²⁰Woe to those who call evil good
    and good evil,
who put darkness for light
    and light for darkness,
who put bitter for sweet
    and sweet for bitter.

²¹ Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes
    and clever in their own sight.

²² Woe to those who are heroes at drinking wine
    and champions at mixing drinks,
²³ who acquit the guilty for a bribe,
    but deny justice to the innocent.

Isaiah 5:20 -22

…the worse part of this, was me knowing that I had somehow, played a part in this. That my time in the new age, created conditions for this kind of lust to be accepted…something for which I can’t make amends for, except what I am doing now…something that I can’t repay. Glory be to God for Jesus, because this alone, is worthy of damnation…

When I saw this, my soul was sick, and I felt the weight of it all, and I left in the agony of watching this horrific scene, knowing that he was going to go deeper and keep doing what was destroying him. I knew that he was beyond coming back. I knew that there was nothing to do. I understood that demonic forces had him bound and that he now belonged to them…I woke up to seek the Lord, and to plead to him, to forgive me and to extend his grace and mercy to me. Not because I deserve it, but because He is good…and to give me the opportunity to speak against these things.

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I share this, not to frighten people, but to show you just how darkness works. We live in a world where the spiritual is more real than what we see when we are awake. What the Lord showed me in that dream is real. There are many people out there who are slaves to evil without knowing it. They are in the throws of darkness and are being lost to vices. Vices which they believe are not a big deal.

Friend. There is a reason why the Lord tells us that narrow is the way. Evil. Satan. Wants us to think that he’s not real. But he is. And when we are not in the Lord, he is having a field day in our lives, and pulling us away from God.

Evil is real. We know this because we see the wicked things that are happening in the world. All we have to do is turn on the news. Media. TV. The evil things that people do to each other…all of these things have a driving force. We are spiritual having a human experience after all.

Things like unmartial and unnatural sex, alcohol, drugs, divination, hatred, anger, greed, and many many other things are signs of wickedness in our midst. These things are open doors to evil our lives, and most of us don’t know how to be free from these things. They believe that that these things are not a big deal or they don’t understand that evil is real, and that the choices that they make are leading them straight to perdition…

perdition, BTW means ruin, lost (physical or eternal). No return. Gone. Away from the Lord. Like Judas, who betrayed Jesus…

People don’t understand that sin doesn’t start off big, but small. It’s a small opening, that grows more and more the more that we give into it, until we are in a vast canyon, full of depravity and no return…except Jesus. The only way to be set free is to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, repent, read the bible, and start to live holy unto the Lord.

The reason why the new age, is dangerous is because it starts as a small belief system, that seems innocent or believable. It seems just believable enough, and close enough to the Lord Christ, to be almost identical. You are enamored by promises of understanding, healing, restoration, control over your life, and purpose. You start living with these principles, and believing that these things are helping you, and going deeper, because none of the levels that you reach really satisfy the empty.

You go further in, in the hopes of continuing to feel better, but with every level, you loose something. If you’re humble enough, you become aware that there is a deepening hole. If not, you keep going in further convinced that the next level will make it better. As you move in further, if you pay attention, your life is falling apart….

None of it ever will satisfy the desires. Only Jesus Christ will.

Friend. I know that this is long, but I will say one last thing, we as mothers, have been given the first task to care for our children. The life style of the new age, will not do this. It will lead our children, straight into what I described in the dream above. Into the lust of life in all of its various forms. The only way that we can save our children, is by living for Christ.

If you crave healing and restoration, for you and your family know that it is only found in Christ. The supernatural is real, both the good and the evil, and our cover from evil and connection to God, is Jesus Christ.

“I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me.”

John 14:6

I understand now why it is that I could not accept Jesus, when I was a little girl in Catholic school. It was because I didn’t see that I was a sinner. I didn’t understand that I needed a savior to help me, and to redeem me from my sins. But when I realized the truth, that I was indeed a sinner, and that I was indeed living a sinful life, I realized just how loving the Lord in his mercy and grace really is.

I realized that I rejected Christ because I could not understand someone so good, dying for someone like me. I did not feel worthy when I was a little girl, and as I became older that turned into pride. Pride of life, pride of myself and pride in my ability to figure things out.

Seeing what the new age, all these beliefs and practices were doing to my family and my self, I pleaded for help to the Lord, and I realized that the Lord, in his infinite mercy, did indeed send his only begotten son, to save me from the grips of my sin, and from the evil that is in the world. I realized this because there is no way that I can repay what I’d done.

I then understood the truth that the most loving thing that the Lord did, was send Jesus Christ down to save me, and you, and all of us, from the sins that so easily entrap us. Because the truth is that we, cannot, in any way, in our humanity, pay for our sins on our own.

For I say to you, that unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:20

This is why Jesus came. Because we can’t pay. So he – in full submission to the Father, YHWY – came instead, and took my and our sins, and nailed them to the cross. This is love. That while we were still sinners Christ died for us, and took our sins, to reconcile us back to God. Someone that never committed a single sin. Who is blameless in the eyes of the Lord, in exchange for my dirty self, for all of us. Something that I can’t repay.

This is why I am here.

Friend, the Lord knows that we are just flesh and are lost. He understands that we need help, salvation, and redemption. This is why Jesus came. To restore us back to God. To bridge the gap, that our sin makes. If you are still in the new age and are looking for real true healing. Restoration. Look no further than Jesus Christ. All we have to do is repent and seek Him.

He is the way, the truth, and the life. Speak to him, from your heart today, and ask him to show you the way.

He still saves.

-V